The lines between good and evil can be blurred in an instant. For me that came rather quickly. Pornography crept in at an early age (12 years old to be exact), damaging my perspective on women and sexual intercourse, and therefore my mind generalized others as objects who only are good for gratifying unseemly affections.
By the simple click of a finger, access to various different pornographic videos was readily available, promising to fulfill the lustful desires lying deep beneath my skin. It started off with “innocent” yet racy videos on YouTube, but later developed into a far more engrossed fascination than ever originally expected. I had set course for a pleasurable road, that contained a previously unseen devastation at the end.
Of course, I hadn’t the slightest clue of this until my eyes were opened wide.
What you may not quite realize at first is how long imagery can last in your mind. Essentially what we do is take mental snapshots of whatever is exposed before our eyes, and then that thing finds a resting place in the rudiment of our minds.
Witnessing even inappropriate content for even quick moments on your television screen is quite similar to puncturing a water balloon all over with tiny holes, naturally, after some time the water once housed by a fabric will seep through that very material until completely drained.
That’s what happened to me.
My sense of morality steadily poured right out of me, every single time that I actively pursued joy in other persons, places, and things, which are nothing in comparison to the Creator of all.
Understanding that only Christ truly satisfies is a difficult lesson to grasp for the stubborn, and my stubbornness extended far and wide which increased the complications experienced during my walk. Often times, in the moments of temporal pleasure, we fail to recognize simple truths as this: “Christ is the only one eligible to fill the void in our hearts”. This applied to me, surely.
Eventually, as time wore on it began to grow stronger, with no end in sight or any weak areas to take shots at.
The addiction had come to fruition in my life entirely at this point. Week after week, night after night, the same old thing. Little changes had been made, no precautions were being taken. Still I was infatuated with sexual interactions between two individuals, and probably even more.
But why would I expect anything different? I was devoid of true joy, true pleasure, which alone is found in Christ. Countless nights would I attempt to soothe the urges by giving it a slight taste (i.e. imagining dirty thoughts, viewing coarse material), but not actually indulging fully in my carnal nature through masturbation. Though, what was that really accomplishing in my spiritual life? Little to nothing, and more so nothing. It only helped me to realize that this, what I was doing, isn’t working. Dabbling in sinful behavior has its consequences, rest assure. The enemy found it quaint to flood me with guilt trips, causing me to frequently question how God could love such a broken man like myself. Satan’s lies appeared more believable day in and day out, because I took a stroll down hypocritical lane far too often.
Little did I know, that God’s mercy renews on a daily basis, continually purifying the darkened caverns of my depraved soul; and His grace empowers me to change, forever casting down anything which plans to dethrone Him in my life.
God is all-powerful, capable to wrought change through all persons, at any time, in every place.
Should I then be led to believe that such a God, who is all-powerful, is not able to cure me of this wretched disease called, “sin”?
Of course not!
No longer is it I who lives, but Christ that lives in me (see Galatians 2:20). If then we be dead and it is Christ who lives, does not that mean He directs our footsteps from here on out? In that case, He would never lead us astray, but only into truth and righteousness.
A key component required at my hand was to relinquish all undesirable traits. Bad habits, bad motives, bad everything, it’s a must for anything which defies my God to go.
Knowing this, I knew that pornography had to make a complete, permanent departure from my life. How could I live any longer in sin and expect grace to abound? This profound truth rang an alarm throughout my mind.
I made a choice in early 2013, that if Jesus selflessly laid down His life to spare me, then sacrificing pornography in order to please Him is the least I could do. Bumps and bruises have surely came along my journey, failures bombarded me in the beginning phases, but as I began to understand who now dwells inside of me, it has become much easier over time. We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us (see Romans 8:37). God’s love musters us with the strength needed to combat our enemies. Our enemies are the world, the flesh, and the Devil. The Holy Spirit, which resided in Jesus, and that now dwells in you and me, provides us with undeniable might against these three powerhouses. This very might compelled Jesus to overcome, and is working through you in order for you to do the same. Trust in Him.
As much as those subtle whispers persist in trying to convince you that God has completely forsook and utterly left, this is not true at all.
You’re not alone in the struggle. Not only is God still with you, but brothers and sisters worldwide also share in your afflictions.
Embrace the struggle and prepare to rumble. We must fight relentlessly.
Why? Quite simply, Satan was defeated at the cross, but still hopes in dragging us to Hell with him.
Let him be in unrest by himself eternally as we commune forevermore with God.
No matter when you last gave into temptation, look at today as another opportunity to start anew.
Submit yourselves therefore to God, resist the Devil and he will flee from you (see James 4:7).
Do you fully comprehend that? He will flee! Every single morning, the darkness flees the light, and this is no different. Satan will flee when we, being the light, walk therein. Our resistance to sinful behavior causes Satan to run away to escape. Our obedience to God disrupts his plans and invokes fear in him.
You hold more power than realized, and it all stems from He who created you. The old has passed away, behold, all things are made new. You’re not under Satan’s mind control anymore. You’re loosed from the ties with him. You were purchased before the foundation of this world. You’re a new creature in Christ.
The triumphant return of our Lord is coming. Prepare yourselves for His second coming. May we walk this day in the newness of life offered through a oneness with Christ. Glory awaits us, my dearly beloved.